I don’t have my own memories of summer camp, but I do have fond memories of the three-volume set of camp song CDs my mom bought for me and my siblings because she thought we were missing out on a fundamental American experience. For whatever reason, those songs are so ingrained into my brain that to this day, I can recite their lyrics from memory and burst out into a rousing campfire song with little to no prompting.

But some of those lyrics are boring and outdated — how the hell do you fix a bucket with a straw, Liza? Why did Clementine step on a mine? Who is even named John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

There’s no time like the present for a campfire song rewrite, so I’ve taken a few of my favorites and given them some Very Polygon makeovers based on things that we here love to watch, play, read, and write about.

Welcome to Polygon Summer Camp! This summer we’re bringing you the best and brightest stories, all about camp vibes, that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Join us!

“There’s a Hole in My Arm”

The Fullmetal Alchemist version of “There’s a Hole in My Bucket”

Image: Bones/Aniplex

There’s a hole in my arm, dear Winry, dear Winry

There’s a hole in my arm, dear Winry, a hole

Then fix it, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

Then fix it, dear Edward, dear Edward, fix it

With what shall I fix it, dear Winry, dear Winry,

With what shall I fix it, dear Winry, with what?

With metal, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

With metal, dear Edward, dear Edward, metal

The metal’s too big, dear Winry, dear Winry

The metal’s too big, dear Winry, too big

Then cut it, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

Then cut it, dear Edward, dear Edward, cut it

How shall I cut it, dear Winry, dear Winry

How shall I cut it, dear Winry, cut it

With a hacksaw, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

With a hacksaw, dear Edward, dear Edward, a hacksaw

The hacksaw’s too dull, dear Winry, dear Winry

The hacksaw’s too dull, dear Winry, too dull

Then sharpen it, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

Then sharpen it dear Edward, dear Edward, sharpen it

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Winry, dear Winry

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Winry, with what?

With a stone, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

With a stone, dear Edward, dear Edward, a stone

The stone is outside, dear Winry, dear Winry

The stone is outside, dear Winry, outside

Then bring it inside, dear Edward, dear Edward

Then bring it inside, dear Edward, inside

How shall I carry it, dear Winry, dear Winry

How shall I carry it, dear Winry, carry it?

With your arm, dear Edward, dear Edward, dear Edward

With your arm, dear Edward, dear Edward, your arm

But there’s a hole in my arm, dear Winry, dear Winry

There’s a hole in my arm, dear Winry, a hole!

“Home, Sweet Island Home”

The Animal Crossing: New Horizons version of “Home on the Range”

Oh, give me a home, where the sea bass will roam

Where the villagers frolic and play

Where Isabelle sits, all ready to assist

And Tom Nook collects your loans today

Home, sweet island home

Where the villagers frolic and play

Where Isabelle sits, all ready to assist

And Tom Nook collects your loans today

“My Name is Spike Spiegel”

The Cowboy Bebop version of “My Name is Yon Yonson”

Image: Sunrise/Crunchyroll

My name is Spike Spiegel

My ship is the Bebop

I work as a bounty hunter

When I pull out my gun, the people I hunt say

What is your deal, man?

I say,

My name is Spike Spiegel…

“Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way”

The My Immortal version of “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt”

Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, her name is my name too!

Whenever we go out, the people always shout

There goes Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way — tra-la-la-la-la-la!

“Chimera Ants March”

The Hunter x Hunter version of “Ants Go Marching”

Image: Madhouse/Viz Media

Chimera Ants march one by one, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march one by one, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march one by one,

They really like to kill for fun

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march two by two, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march two by two, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march two by two,

The cat one’s name is Neferpitou

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march three by three, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march three by three, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march three by three,

That buff one sometimes goes by Youpi

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march four by four, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march four by four, hurrah, hurrah

The Ants go marching four by four,

Oh my God, there’s so much gore

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march five by five, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march five by five, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march five by five,

Good luck getting out of here alive

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march six by six, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march six by six, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march six by six,

Oh shit, they now can use Nen tricks

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march seven by seven,

Good golly it’s a whole procession

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march eight by eight,

Wait, why is the King just playing a game?

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march nine by nine,

It looks like they might run out of time

And they all go marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Chimera Ants march 10 by 10, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march 10 by 10, hurrah, hurrah

Chimera Ants march 10 by 10,

Alas they meet an untimely end

And they’re no longer marching down to the Selection

To conquer humanity, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

“Oh My Darling Tony Stark”

The MCU version of “My Darling Clementine”

Oh my darling, oh my darling

Oh my darling, Tony Stark

You are lost and gone forever

Dreadful sorry, Tony Stark

In a battle, a final battle

Facing armies of the dark

Came the Avengers all to save us

Led by hero Tony Stark

Yes he stood strong, yes he stood strong

With his group of super friends

Aliens, gods, and some weird humans

All prepared to meet their ends

Oh my darling, oh my darling

Oh my darling, Tony Stark

You are lost and gone forever

Dreadful sorrow, Tony Stark

All those heroes, fighting Thanos

With their powers, big and strong

They surrounded mighty Thanos

And were about to prove him wrong

And then Thanos, mighty Thanos

He really thought that he could snap

But Tony got the gauntlet

And with his fingers, brought them back

Now he’s gone, darling Tony

With a hero’s sacrifice

He is still remembered fondly

Though he paid the biggest price

“Down by Beach City”

The Steven Universe version of “Down by the Bay”

Image: Cartoon Network

Down by Beach City

Where watermelon Stevens grow

Back to my home

I dare not go

For if I do

My mother will say

“Did you ever you ever see a Pearl

With a crush on a girl?”

Down by Beach City

Down by Beach City

Where watermelon Stevens grow

Back to my home

I dare not go

For if I do

My mother will say

“Did you ever you ever see a Garnet

That was a relationship incarnate?”

Down by Beach City

Down by Beach City

Where watermelon Stevens grow

Back to my home

I dare not go

For if I do

My mother will say

“Did you ever you ever see a Amethyst

Ready to battle with fists?”

Down by Beach City