clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

How to kickstart your miniature Jeff Goldblum collection

Multiple games now feature tiny, charming, unconventionally attractive Mr. Goldblums

Dr. Ian Malcolm, reclining on my desk. Photo: Charlie Hall/Polygon
Charlie Hall is Polygon’s tabletop editor. In 10-plus years as a journalist & photographer, he has covered simulation, strategy, and spacefaring games, as well as public policy.

This year’s Gen Con was full to bursting with new games, as many as 560, according to some estimates. We’ve covered some of the trends that we saw, including a surge in roll-and-write games and a chaotic wave of new party games. But there was another unusual item at the nation’s largest tabletop gaming convention: a tiny, beautiful, plastic Jeff Goldblum.

Unmatched, the incredibly popular skirmish game that pits Hollywood heroes against historical heroes, recently dropped its latest set of Jurassic Park-inspired baddies. Unmatched Jurassic Park: Dr. Sattler vs. T. Rex is currently out of stock. The $30 game comes with an Ellie Sattler miniature and a massive Tyrannosaurus rex. Ellie also gets a sidekick — a tiny plastic token with a picture of Dr. Ian Malcolm on it, a two-dimensional object wholly incapable of containing his raw, sexual energy.

In order to rectify this situation, Restoration Games ordered 10,000 plastic Ian Malcolm miniatures, complete with a delicate ink wash, which it made available with pre-orders. Speaking with Polygon at the convention, team members said that the minis sold out before they could even set some aside for themselves. A handful were available at their booth, but demand for the miniature completely shocked them. Another batch is already on the way, and pre-orders are currently live.

But this isn’t the only Jeff Goldblum gaming miniature currently in production. Strata Miniatures is working on a whole set of figures based on the popular Dark Dice actual play series. The crowdfunding campaign goes live in October. Among them is the powerful elven sorcerer named Balmur — portrayed by none other than Jeff Goldblum. Early renders of his miniature show him in a powerful stance, his arm raised to cast a spell and a hawkish grin on his face. The finished miniature — painted by David Fisk, better known on line as Dungeons and Dry-Gins — features lots of freehand work, including a beautiful tattoo.

A painted Jeff Goldblum from the Dark Dice podcast. Photo: Strata Miniatures
An alternate pose for Jeff’s Dark Dice miniature. Photo: Strata Miniatures

“The amazing sculpt encapsulates not only his chiseled good looks but also his ‘twinkle in the eye’ personality,” said Fisk, speaking with Polygon on Twitter. “On a more serious note, I was really keen to do justice to his cultural heritage and made a custom skintone mix just for him. Most miniature paint manufacturer’s ‘skin tones’ are tailored for Caucasian colouration so it was an interesting challenge.”

The sad fact is that at this time there are no Jeff Goldblum miniatures suitable for tabletop gaming available for sale in the marketplace. But I’m confident that this will be resolved soon because, as we all know, life finds a way. In the meanwhile, Dr. Ian Malcolm will be lounging on my desk until Warhammer TV presenter Louise Sugden gets me a proper tutorial for painting these rock hard, glistening abs.